Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Not Us

Early in the morning, just a day before the big annual conference that we were traveling to New Orleans for was scheduled to begin, we got an email and a call about a baby born situation. That means a baby was born at the hospital and the birth mother didn't already have an adoption plan in place but she decided not to parent. Sometimes these situations are called "stork drops" but I read once online that phrase was not the best one to use. So I stick with "baby born" just to be safe and not offend anyone. (Adoption language is so tricky!)

The birth mother had already been discharged and an adoption agency was now working overtime to find a family.

Baby born situations are tricky because as an adoptive family you get very little information. Like zero information. No medical history. No medical records. No info on the health of the child (other than yes they are okay, or no they are receiving this care currently) And you really don't have the opportunity to request any of that info before you are expected to make a decision about if you want your name thrown in the hat. It's super stressful.

The other side of that coin is that the child has already been born. And you know they are doing okay (or being cared for) and that the birth mom has decided to move forward with adoption and is wanting to sign papers. So the inherent risk of a birth mother changing her mind isn't really there in this situation... you trade that uncertainty for the uncertainty of walking into a situation you have very little backstory on and might never get.

We decided to present.

The next day, as I was working on my laptop in a house full of friends we get an email saying the birth mom didn't choose us. Not only that, she didn't really choose anyone. She chose a family member.

And even though I hadn't really gotten my hopes up, it still hit me hard and I was on the verge of tears all morning.

Baby born situations are highly emotionally taxing because you are given very limited information and expected to make a decision instantly. I was calling adoption friends, googling, researching some of the risks and specific things about this particular case. I spent hours that morning invested in it.

Then nothing. I don't know why it stung so much but it did. It is virtually impossible not to get emotionally connected to each opportunity. Because what if that is our daughter? But then when you find out it isn't, you almost feel silly for having put your heart out there. Maybe it's just me. I've always been a pretty sensitive person.

Well... onward. Courage, dear heart.


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